Dear Oniichan, sorry, your brother is
by W.Kathy
Summary: Misaki, an average boy, starts to question his own sexuality, will any good come out of it? AU, timeline is before Misaki meets Usagi-san.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Junjou Romantica belongs to Nakamura Shungiku sensei, I am just borrowing the characters for my own devious purpose.

A/N: Recently re-read Junjou Romantica and got the inspiration to write this fic. I have always wondered how Misaki would behave if he was more accepting of the fact he was attracted to men (in particular Usagi-san) and how the plot would evolve with Misaki being a conscious participant in the gay scene. In the original Junjou plot, I felt that Usagi-san was short-changed by Misaki's reluctance to accept and proclaim his love for the author. In my fic I hope to rectify that. Right, enough said, here's the first chapter.

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"_I love you, senpai." Flowers flutter in the background. _

"_I love you too, since the first time I saw you…" _

_The atmosphere is sparkling and both couples hug and kiss sweetly. _

Why do the confession love scenes in manga always use flowers and sparkers in the background? And what's with the easy way that the confession gets accepted immediately by the other party, even though they are both guys?

"Here, look at that guy, isn't he weird? He's been squatting there reading BL manga for the past half an hour!" Giggling girls whispered (not so quietly) and pointed at me.

Yup, I'm that weird guy they are talking about. Hey, what can I do when I have limited allowance and lots of spare time? Of course reading manga for free in a bookstore is the best way to spend my time on a Friday afternoon after class.

Hi, I'm Misaki Takahashi, your normal first year high school boy, with average looks, height and grades. I'm so common that if you pass by me on the street you wouldn't give me a second glance. Unless it's got something to do with my not-so-normal hobby, that is, yup, you've guessed it, reading BL manga. I am by no means an otaku nor a pervert, I do other stuff boys my age does, such as hanging out at an arcade, going to karaoke with friends, eating at fast-food joints and until recently, playing basketball in school.

In my last year in middle school, I was still an active basketball club member. I don't remember when it started exactly that I was attracted to the toned bodies of my club members in the changing room more than I was in the porn (with huge, unrealistic boobies) that they sneaked into school. I do recall feeling absolutely nothing when I was invited to a friend's place to watch a foreign x-rated movie. The other boys were panting and a few brave ones were even openly masturbating, but I wasn't turned on by the images on the screen at all. I was more interested in those masturbating, and that was a huge shock to me when I realized what I was doing. Without any explanation, I ran out on my friends and back home in a speed that I have never achieved before. When I reached home, as usual, I was alone as my brother, Takahiro Takahashi,was working. He has been working hard to support the both of us since my parents passed away in an accident when I was eight. It was a good thing, for once, that I was alone at home, for if my over-protective brother saw my state at that time, he would have pursued the reason and I wouldn't know what to tell him. So as not to be a burden to him, I have always kept a positive outlook and not whine or complain about stuff that other boys my age may do. Unfortunately, I don't know how to tell him that his brother, is now _gay_. I have decided, I will take this secret to my grave.

Of course they say the best intentions pave the road to hell, and in my case, the more I tried to hide my sexual orientation, the more obvious I became. Until about 2 weeks before I was going to enter my first year in the neighborhood high school, I was discovered in the most embarrassing way. That was one memory I wished I didn't remember so vividly. It was a weekend, and my brother was going to work overtime on a project, so after a quick breakfast I prepared, he rushed off to the office. I have been waiting for an opportunity to confirm that I was definitely gay, so disguised in a mouth mask, the type generally used for people who are sick, a pair of sunglasses, a baseball cap and an black jacket, I made my way to a bookstore that's just a bit out of the way of our neighborhood. It's a bookstore that's rumored to not only sell the usual adult books and videos, but also caters to the gay. On the outside, the store looks to be your common bookstore, but if you make your way further into the store, there's this section that I was aiming for. On a Sunday morning, there wasn't any customer in the store. The only person there was the shop attendant at the cashier, who looks like a bored college student on a part time job. I hurried to the shelf where the gay videos were located and was surprised at the variety. I blushed at some of the titles, which not only included 2 men, but with 3 men on the cover (is that what they call a threesome?) and _ewww_ a few videos with animals and men in them…the imagination of some people are just sick. For a newbie like me, I decided to go with a relatively tame looking video with 2 young adults, one of them who were kind of attractive to me. He had exotic ash-grey hair and dark eyes. What really made him stood out weren't only his looks, but his confident demeanor and that arrogant smirk on his face that makes me a little weak in my knees. The other man, a younger one, was cute, but not really my type. I made my purchase at the cashier and quickly returned home, eager to start on the video with the hot guy…eh; I mean my experiment to determine if I was really gay.

There was only one television and video player in the apartment that I was staying in with my brother, and this was probably the only chance I get to use them to watch such a dubious video since my brother out working. I made sure the door was locked, the curtains drawn, a box of tissue located nearby, and started playing the video. The plot wasn't all that great, it was the common teacher-student forbidden love, where the student falls in the love with the teacher, makes attempts to gain the teacher's attention, and succeeds with an exclusive after school detention with just the two of them. The man-on-man action started in the detention when the student seduced the teacher, only to find him being seduced instead. At this scene, I confirmed my sexual orientation that I was 100% gay when I was so turned on I started masturbating to the images on the screen. I was especially intrigued at the process of penetration, as before watching this video, I only had a vague idea of how sex between 2 guys worked. I was so absorbed that I didn't hear the door unlocking or the greeting my brother made to say that he's home. Only the sound of something crashing at the doorway of the living room and my brother shocked gasp of my name finally got my attention.

With dread, (my right hand still on you-know-where) I turned around to face my brother. The panting and gasping sounds on the television continued in the background, oblivious of tense atmosphere in the living room. The look on my brother's face was something I have never seen before. He was blushing so hard his ears were red, his mouth wide open with a look of shock embarrassment. If I had a mirror at that time, I was pretty sure I would look the same.

"What…what is this?"

"I'm sorry onii-chan…I…I just wanted to know…."

With a few deep breaths, he managed to calm down a little. "Just turn off that first, then we'll talk."

I hurried to switch off the video and tidied myself up quickly. We sat in awkward silence, while I gathered my thoughts. As much as I try not to burden my brother, I don't like lying to him either, so I decided to tell him the truth.

"Onii-chan, I know this is hard for you to hear, believe me, it is hard for me to admit this but I don't like lying to you or to myself. Will you listen to me seriously, please?"

He nodded solemnly. I took this as encouragement to continue my confession.

"A few months ago, I noticed that I was attracted to guys, and not at all to girls. I wanted to find out if I was really, well, _gay_. So I got this video to watch and see if I would be aroused, and as you could see, well…"

We blushed and he coughed a little.

"I don't know what to say, Misaki. I don't know really what to think about you being, well, gay. This comes as a surprise to me, but I guess whatever happens, you will always be the brother I love, no matter who you are attracted to. You have always been matured for your age and I know you try very hard in whatever you do, so if you need any help or have any problems, you can always confide in me. Not that I have much knowledge in this but ah, I mean, ah, just be careful and safe if you ever find someone to be with, ok?"

I was touched at my brother's acceptance, and never expected things to go so smoothly despite the way I came out of the closet. After that embarrassing incident, my brother was encouraging in his own way, as I found condoms and lube in my room one day that no doubt came from him. As I started to observe my surroundings, I noticed same-sex couples around the neighborhood that I have never noticed before. Granted, there weren't a lot of these couples, but they were there, and openly holding hands in broad daylight, unafraid of the views of the society. I took courage from them, and with the acceptance of my brother, I found that I didn't need to hide who I was or whom I like. Although I haven't found anyone in real life that I was attracted too, I was optimistic that someday, I will fall in love with that special person.

It was about at this point of time when my brother found his special someone, and started dating this lady in his office. I was happy for him, though someone else was suffering at my brother's romance, which I had no idea at that time. I also had no idea that one day, I would fall in love with a person who was in love with my brother. Love, as I would find out, sucks.

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Please review, I welcome all comments and suggestions, thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Crossover with Seikai Ichi Hatsukoi, as I borrowed a character from that story.

Warning: Not a happy chapter, some unwanted molestation but I think it will build character into Misaki and make him into a stronger person.

Not beta'ed, may contain grammatical and spelling errors, please excuse any I have overlooked. Thanks!

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Chapter 2

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Another boring day in high school, not even any eye candy in my class to distract me from the monotony, nope none at all. The boys in my second year were as disappointing as my first, in terms of looks I mean. Personality wise, they were an easygoing bunch, and I had no problem getting along with most of my classmates. However, none were even vaguely attractive, at least not in the way I like. And I soon found that although I could find gay couples in my neighborhood, none were in my school, at least, none that I could detect. Either they were in, way in, the closet, or my gaydar is not working in school. I wasn't in any athletic clubs, as I wasn't sure I could resist the temptation of naked bodies in changing rooms or shared showers, and didn't want to risk committing a sexual offense in high school despite being out of the closet. Other club activities didn't interest me much, so I remain free after classes. Glancing at the clock, I mentally counted down the minutes to the last period of the day, and then I would be free!

The bell finally rang and I hurriedly packed up my stuff in my bag, eager to leave the stifling environment. Most of my classmates were involved in club activities after school, so I was alone most of the weekdays. I didn't want to hang around school longer than I had to, for there were a few troublemakers who had discovered that I am gay, and bullied me for it. So far, most of their tactics were limited to disparaging words, except this one time when it almost escalated to a fight. Being smart, as I was out-numbered at the time, I ran away from the fight and tried to stay away from the bullies ever since.

I made my way to my favorite bookstore, the one where I got my first gay porn video. The shop attendant, Yukina Kou, was a really nice guy. He was sociable and never raised an eyebrow at my choice of reading material or videos. Yukina was good looking, being the prince type, but I was strangely not all that attracted to him. Maybe it's because he's too flashy for my taste, or it's obvious as anything that he's straighter than a ruler. Besides, he's nice to everyone, and I prefer my boyfriend to be nice only to me. I guess I can be the possessive type when I fall in love. Anyway, Yukina was good enough eye candy and it also helps that we have common interests in manga. He was more into shoujo manga though, unlike me, who was into BL. He was chatty enough for both of us, and we never run out of topics to talk about. However, today was a sad, sad day for me, as Yukina informed me that he would be quitting this job by the end of this week as he will be starting his college studies next week, and it is inconvenient to commute to work here. We promised to keep in touch, and I wished him the best. Since I just got my allowance, I decided to get this new BL novel written by Akikawa Yayoi. I liked the cover of the novel, and the plot seemed interesting enough. It was also written by one of my favorite BL authors. Akikawa sensei is very good with words, the reader could visualize the scenes vividly from the author's passionate description of emotions. There was smut, as with most BL novels, but the plot was also interesting, although there was a bittersweet tinge I got every time I finish one of sensei's novels. After reading the last page of _The Faraway Sun,_ I decided to write a letter to encourage the author, since the novel's ending brought me to tears for the first time since my parents' death. I rummaged through my drawers for a letter and envelope set, and finally found some leftover from my elementary school days, when I was obsessed with teddy bears. The paper was a cheerful orange, with fuzzy brown bears dancing on the borders. Oh well, since the author wouldn't know who I am, I shouldn't be fussy with the childish stationery.

"Dear Akikawa Sensei,

I have just finished reading your latest novel, _The Faraway Sun_, and it has touched my heart and to my embarrassment, made me cried for the first time since my parents passed away when I was eight years old. Most of your novels, the ones with BL theme, were interesting enough, although I have always felt a bittersweet emotion I couldn't understand when I complete each volume. I read in between the lines of your words and could feel that you have experience great heartbreak, or perhaps unrequited love, as these intense emotions were reflected in your story. If _The Faraway Sun_ is based on your real life experience or feelings, I hope you will never give up on true love and remain optimistic in life. Although the one you love may not be in love with you, it doesn't mean that you will never find someone else whom you will be more in love with, and will return your feelings. I do not know what kind of person you are, but from your writing, I deduce that you are a sensitive soul who is considerate towards the ones you care about while perhaps being pessimistic in your general outlook of life.

You may not be interested in the type of person I am, but a while ago, I were somewhat like you, being careful in my feelings, not want to burden others, and hiding my true self. Fortunately, I have a caring brother who accepted me for who I am, once I got up my courage to admit my sexual orientation to him. It was a huge load off my shoulders, and I am now happier than before. Although not everyone accepted me, there were some narrow-minded bullies in my school who just wouldn't give up, I never regretted being true to myself. Life, as I realized at a young age, is fragile and can be shorter than expected. If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. I wish you courage, and live a life full of love and dreams, without regrets.

Your humble fan,

M. T."

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Warning: Non-con, skip this if you feel uncomfortable.

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Remember the bullies who found out that I was gay and was giving me a hard time about it? Well, towards the end of my second year in high school, they got worse. The group of idiots increased from three to five, and managed to corner me on a Friday afternoon after school ended. I was short, and it seemed like the muscles I gained from playing basketball in middle school wasn't of much help against the punches the bullies rained down upon me. Besides, I just wasn't much of a fighter, and had no chance against five boys my age. The leader of the group, stopped the rest from beating me to a pulp and crouched down to threaten me.

"Takahashi, fags like you shouldn't pollute the good environment of the school. You should just leave, nobody wants you here."

I think the pain must have caused my logical mind to be warped, as I retorted back, "Yeah, you think you are a representative of the school or something? Five against one small little me, you must be a coward!"

Lying face down, I couldn't see the expression of the bullies but I could almost feel the anger emanating from them. _Oh shit, I just had to open my big fat mouth!_

Someone, I don't know who, made a suggestion that gave me chills down my spine.

"Hey, I reckon this fag is getting off on the beating, why don't we give him what he wants? I bet his ass is aching to have some."

As oblivious as I can be sometimes, I could hardly misinterpret their intentions from the malicious words. I struggled to get up and run away, but was held down by my arms and legs. I was turned to lie on my back and the bullies were smirking, as the leader approached me and with a forceful rip, tore open my shirt. Buttons flew and one of it hit me in my eye. Maybe it was the button, or maybe it was the fear, that caused tears to fall from my eyes.

"Oh look! The little fag is crying! Shouldn't you be happy you are getting some? Don't worry, all of us will get our turns with you, so you will definitely be satisfied!"

"Get off me! HELP, SOMEONE HELP ME!"

My cries were stopped as my mouth was gagged by a piece of cloth ripped off from my shirt. The leader continued with his assault, licking his way from my neck, to my nipples, down to my bellybutton. It was slimy and disgusting, and I felt sick. All too soon, I was undressed to my boxers, and roaming hands groped my privates, my chest, all over my body. I clenched my eyes closed, not wanting to see the disaster that's going to happen. Despite being molested unwillingly, I could feel myself getting aroused by the stroking and licking.

"Hey look, he's getting turned on! Wow, what a small penis he has, are you sure you are a boy, Takahashi?"

By now, my boxers were taken off, and the bullies were all examining my shameful erection. I made a final, futile struggle against the restraints. A sudden shout interrupted the bullies and saved me.

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End of non-con, safe to read from here on.

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"What's happening here!" The Aikido teacher, Kinomoto san, approached the bullies. Cowards that they were, they ran away and left me alone. I curled into a tiny ball, wanting to disappear from the world. Darkness overtook my consciousness and I guess I fainted.

It was the smell that hit me first. The antiseptic scent hospitals have with an underlying waft of bleach. I opened my eyes to white ceiling and an eerie quietness. It took me a moment to recall what happened. I shook with fear, shame, and humiliation. Logically, I knew there was no way I could have defended myself against five boys, but I was still humiliated. I was also ashamed at feeling turned on by the molestation, was it rape if one was willing? No, I wasn't willing, that I know for sure. Why did my body respond to those bullies? Am I so weak I couldn't even control my own body? The sound of the door opening broke my train of thoughts.

"Misaki, you are awake! How are you feeling?" My brother asked me, sounding relieved.

I tried to smile bravely to put him at ease, but failed. "I'm okay, I guess. Just some aches."

"Oh Misaki, I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you!" My brother cried and collapsed next to me on the hospital bed.

"Your teacher, Kinomoto san, told me that when he found you, there were five boys escaping from the scene. You were wounded and…naked…"

I could hear the question that my brother didn't know how to ask, but wanted an explanation to. Gathering the vestiges of my courage, I slowly and briefly described the assault, leaving out most details.

"Those five, I don't know their names, but they are my school mates. They found out that I am gay a few months ago, and have been bullying me ever since. It was mostly just words, so I didn't take it seriously. This is the first time they turned physical and beat me. I…the reason I was undressed…"

My brother waited patiently. I took in a deep breath and continued.

"They probably thought that the beating wasn't enough to teach me a lesson, so they decided to…to…rape me." I could hear my brother gasping loudly.

"No! They didn't succeed in doing that… but they did touch me…I…onii-chan, can I take a bath now?" I suddenly felt really dirty and in desperate need of a shower and bath.

"Of course, Misaki, whatever you want. I will be here waiting for you. Here's the clothes I brought from home, you can change into them if you want. The doctor did mention that your injuries were mostly on the surface, no fractures or anything serious."

I interrupted my brother's nervous rambling by taking the clothes and rushed into the bathroom. I jumped into the shower and started scrubbing my body with the soup bar vigorously. Scenes from the recent assault poured into my mind, unwelcomed but unstoppable. Gagging, I stopped washing and vomited into the toilet bowl. When there was nothing left to puke and the nausea left me, I went back to cleaning myself with a single-mindedness I rarely used. However, the feeling of being dirty didn't leave me no matter how hard I scrubbed. Soon, tears fell and joined the water from the shower cascading down my tainted body.

I didn't know how long I was in the bathroom, in a semi-comatose state, before my brother started banging on the door and calling out my name.

"Misaki! Misaki! Please, open the door!"

My feeling of wanting to escape reality warred against the need to reassure my brother. Finally I crawled to the door and unlocked it. Without looking at my brother, I hurried back into the shower and continue to wash myself.

"Misaki, stop, please, you are scrubbing yourself raw, please…" The cries of my brother reached my ears as his arms came around me.

"Onii-chan, why…why do I still feel so dirty…"

"You are not! It's not your fault, oh please, don't think that you are dirty, Misaki, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you…"

The days after the incident passed in a haze. I was vaguely aware of things, however it was as if a veil of gauze separates my view from reality. The doctor suggested I speak to a counselor who handles cases like mine, but I refused rather fiercely. I had no wish to recount that experience over and over again to a stranger. My brother didn't force me; in fact, he was gentler towards than before. I took a leave from school, not wanting to return to the location where _that_ happened. Kinomoto sensei, came to visit me once and told me about the five students who assaulted me. They were overheard boasting about scaring me away from school by their fearsome tactics, and was interrogated thereafter. Being the cowards they were, their confessions came fast and they were expelled from school. Sensei asked if I wanted to pursue this and take the case to the police. After some consideration, I decided to let the matter rest, as I do not want to make this case public. I know the five bullies were getting off lightly from just being expelled, but I just couldn't face the process of bringing this case to the police, going through the questioning and describing what happened to strangers. Even if I were willing to report this case, being underage, the most they would have been sentenced to would be to a correction facility. What's the point? Just as I was saved in the nick of time before the worst could happen to me, I believe justice and punishment would be carried out onto those who deserve it in time to come.

It was some time before my mind cleared up and I started coming out of the haze I have been wandering in. A quick glance at the calendar informed me that a season has passed. I should be in my third year now, if I have been attending school. The past 3 months have been nightmarish, literally. I was plagued almost every night with nightmares, sometimes actual recall of the incident, and other times a warped version of what happened, ending with me getting raped. Most nights I woke up either screaming, or running to the bathroom puking.

On the advice of my brother, who has been reading up on books to help me, I began writing in a journal. I wrote about the assault, described the nightmares, poured out my insecurities, my fear of this happening again, my shame and the never-ending feeling of being dirty no matter how much I wash myself. After numerous times of my brother finding me in the bath scrubbing my skin raw and bleeding, he made a point of checking on me every night to make sure I didn't overdo it. He was my rock in a tornedo of swirling emotions I couldn't control. Steady, patient and gentle, he spent most of his time with me when he's not working. The nights when I woke him up with my screams from the nightmares, he held me and kept whispering words of comfort to reassure me. I had no idea I would become this fragile, or needy. My determination not to be troublesome wavered after the incident. I relied on the strength of my only family, despite being guilty on placing a burden on him.

To take the load off my brother's shoulders, I started reading those self-help books. Some of the words made sense to me, and were actually really helpful, while others were more useless psycho-babble than anything else. I recognized that the dirtiness I feel was translated into the intense need to clean. Slowly, I got better, I stopped scrubbing myself into a bleeding mess, although I still couldn't help using the bath at least 3 times a day, nor could I stop myself from cleaning the apartment so much that it sparkles and was squeaky clean. Writing in the journal helped, I think, as the number of my nightmares went down as the days went by. My appetite, which was almost bird-like when I was first discharged from the hospital, slowly increased to that of a normal person, after much coaxing and supervision from my brother.

My brother's girlfriend, Minami, is a pleasant and friendly person. She visited me a few times recently. It was nice to be treated like a normal person, as most times my brother tend to be too gentle and walk around me as if on eggshells. Since I was not attending school, I had much free time and decided to put it into good use. I wanted to become stronger, to be able to protect myself, to stop being afraid. I got in touch with Kinomoto sensei, my savior, and asked if he is able to give me one-on-one Aikido lessons. Kinomoto sensei is probably the only man other than my brother that I do not fear close contact with. Perhaps it is due to him saving me, or something, I do not know for sure. I was glad he agreed to give me private lessons every once a week on Sunday. I spent the next 3 months practicing mediation, part of learning Aikido was not only physical training but also mental strengthening. When I wasn't practicing Aikido, I was reading on the anatomy of humans, learning how to inflict the most hurt with minimal strength. With my petite figure, I need to learn an efficient way of causing deterrence against those who wish me harm. Minami was encouraging in my attempts to learn self-defense, and gifted me with a pepper spray, a small stunner that comes in the form of an inconspicuous pen and a personal alarm on a key chain.

Not neglecting my studies, even though I no longer attended school, I studied the third year's syllabus on my own at home, and got ready to attend the upcoming entrance exams of my chosen college, Mitsuhashi University since that was the college my brother turned down so that he could begin taking care of me after our parents died. I had attended the cram school a few times to take mock tests in order to determine how I fared. It was a nerve wreaking experience, getting out of the house and making way through the crowd to the nearby cram school. Through sheer determination at not burdening my brother any further, I managed to get through the mock tests in one piece. It got easier after the first time, and I could now go out in public without becoming a shivering mess.

Unfortunately, although I got better at managing my emotions, my brains at studying didn't improve much. At the rate I'm going, from the results I got back on the mock tests, I probably wouldn't manage to get into Mitsuhashi University. My brother, noticing my distress as usual, came up with a solution. He got me a tutor, his friend, Akihiko Usami, or as my brother like to affectionately refer to him as "Usagi-chan". Although I have heard of Usagi-san plenty of times, I have never seen the guy. I supposed ever since I got assaulted, my brother was conscious of my discomfort of being close to strangers, particular men, and so didn't invite his friends to come to our house. Well, I have gotten better, and can now be in the presence of strangers, be it men or women. And so, armed with a pot of pork soup as a "first-time meeting" gift I made myself, I prepared to visit my tutor for the first time.

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I am half way through writing the next chapter, and I promise it will be a happier one than this. Misaki is going to meet his tutor, who is also his favorite BL novel author. How will he react? Stay tuned, and please review in the meantime!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: As promised, the third chapter, a happier one compared to the last. Thanks for reading my first junjou romantica fic!

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Chapter 3

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The building that my brother's friend stayed in was a super-luxury housing that made me self conscious about bring pork soup to such a place. In fact, meeting Usagi san made me nervous on the whole, being the kind of guy who seemed like an all-powerful god to a regular citizen like me. Akihiko Usami, age 28, second son to the owner of a super rich company, the Usami Corporation, graduated first in his class from T University's College of Law and owns a 5-bedroom pent house in the best district in Tokyo. What makes him even more eligible is that he is still single, as well as youngest winner of the Shisen awards, a super-best selling novelist, though I have never read any of his books. I'm not sure how, but this god is my brother's best friend.

I pressed on the doorbell many times, but nobody answered. Well, since he told me to just come in if he's not home, I punched in the key code he provided and entered the pent house. Wow, I was impressed by the spaciousness and the deco, this is indeed a super-luxury housing. The stack of books on the living room's coffee table caught my attention. Curious, I took one of them and read the cover.  
>EH! It is the latest BL novel by my favorite author, Akikawa Yayoi sensei! Despite what happened to me, I had no hate for BL, after all, it is those prejudiced against gays who did me injustice. Actually, reading BL novels and manga is kind of like a healing process, exposing me to my fears of being assaulted again using my favorite media. Initially, my mind automatically replaced the faces of those in the manga with the ones of the bullies, however, repeated exposure to the manga and paying attention to the lovey-dovey nature of the plot helped. Slowly, I got over my fears and began to truly enjoy the BL novels and manga again. It was a plus that I am now equipped with self defense items as well as well versed moves against any future perverts.<p>

Eagerly, I began read the latest BL novel, "The Romance of the Student Council Room". The names of the characters surprised me. They were "Akihiko" and "Takahiro". Wait a minute…isn't Akihiko the name of my new tutor whom I have yet to met? Is this a coincidence? I look around, and noticed the note that came with the stack of books.

"Honshou san, I'm going to bed, so please take this, thanks. Usami."

The reply below that was "Usami sensei, I have received the draft, thank you for the hard work, I will contact you later. Honshou."

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Akihiko Usami is also the author of BL novels, with a different penname Akikawa Yayoi? I was shocked. Wait another minute…isn't the name of the other character in his latest BL novel, "Takahiro" the same as my brother's name? What the hell! Is he using my brother to write his BL erotica?

AHHHHHHHH! I don't know if I should be angry with him using my brother's name this way, or to feel excited at meeting my favorite BL author. Is it a coincidence he used my brother's name, or was he actually in love with him and writing about his fantasy? From my knowledge of reading Akikawa sensei, no, I mean Usagi san's BL works, I felt that he uses his own experiences and emotions in his writing. So… it is possible he _is_ in love with my brother. I recalled the novel that moved me to tears, "The Faraway Sun". Was it my brother who is his unrequited love, causing him heartbreak? It is entirely probable. My brother can be a little oblivious sometimes, it is highly possible he didn't notice Usagi san's feelings towards him. Suddenly, I felt really sorry for my favorite author. Anyway, I should wait patiently in the living room, since the note mentioned that Usagi san is sleeping after finishing his drafts for the publisher.

After one hour…I started twitching from the wait.

Another hour passed by. I started staring intensely at the clock.

And then yet another hour gone from my _youthful _life. I paced to and fro, from the living room to the main door, and back.

Hours, I don't know how many hours later… my _patience_ finally cracked and I shouted "Usagi san I don't care if you are still sleeping I'm going to wake you up! You are supposed to be tutoring me!"

Storming towards the bedrooms, it was on my second try that I found the one he was sleeping in. The stuff inside the room…doesn't seem to belong to a 28 year old man. Teddy bears, toys were everywhere, and a train was chuffing along a rail that went around the entire room. What the hell?

I located a manly shaped lump covered in blankets on the king sized bed. Approaching the bed warily, I shook the suspicious lump awake.

"Usagi-sensei, wake up!"

The unmoving (but warm) body remained unresponsive, despite my repeated wake up calls.

"Hey wake up! It's getting late and I have been waiting forever!"

A slow movement from the stubbornly asleep sensei, then silence. He is ignoring me on purpose, I'm sure of it! Argh, fine! Desperate times call for desperate measures. You made me do this, Usagi-sensei, don't blame me! From my recent studies of the anatomy and acupuncture points, I remembered there's this particular point on the foot that will make a person become wide awake when prodded. It can be painful though, but I can't be bothered at this point (unintended pun) in time. With a none-too-gentle prod, I pushed at the targeted point.

The author shot up from bed like a jack-in-a-box when the lid was opened. Heh, guess it worked!

"What the…?" I got my first look at my favorite BL author, and though he looks grumpy from being wakened abruptly by an unknown person, his expression did nothing to deter his good looks. Wow… with exotic ash-grey hair and smoldering dark eyes, I could feel my long dominant libido beginning to rise. Hey…isn't there something extremely familiar about his appearance? Where have I seen someone like him before?

…

… …

Ding!

Oh, I remember now! He resembles the seme from the first gay porn video I have watched before, the one where my brother barged in and discovered my sexuality! Seriously… what are the chances that my favorite BL author, also has the type of looks I like?

"… hey! HEY! Who are you? Stop your day-dreaming and answer me!"

I snapped out of my internal ramifications and discretely wiped the drool off my chin.

"Oh sorry sensei, I'm Misaki, Takahiro's younger brother. Pleased to meet you!"

"Huh, so you are Takahiro's beloved brother. Well, you don't look like much."

My mouth-in-foot disease reared its ugly head at the rude comment.

"Excuse me, you also don't look like much, what is it with the toys and deco in this bedroom more suited for a 3 year old than a supposedly respected award winning, 28 year old novelist?"

We glared at each other, before huffing out in unison. For nii-san, I must endure! I decided to be the better man and apologized.

"Sorry sensei, I didn't mean to be rude. If you could get ready for my tutoring session please?"

"Fine, wait for me in the living room. I will be out shortly."

Fortunately, this time the wait was relatively short. In about ten minutes, Usagi-sensei came to the living room and began questioning me.

"All right, which college do you want to go to?"

"Mitsuhashi University."

"Are you still daydreaming, or are you talking in your sleep?"

"Hey! If I don't try how can I know the results!"

"I know the results." Usagi san held up a stack of papers that looks suspiciously like my mock tests papers from cram school.

"Look here, I have already seen your practice exam results. From these papers, I see that rather than you being too careless or not knowing your formulas, you just don't know what they are asking. You should be more realistic! Most Universities have economics concentrations!"

"Mitsuhashi University! It must be Mitsuhashi University! For my brother I will definitely get in Mitsuhashi University! If I can't get into this University, I won't go to college at all!"

"Why do you connect Takahiro with this University?"

"Well, you should know about it too! My parents died in an accident 10 years ago. My brother raised me. At that time, he got into Mitsuhashi University, but because of me, he went straight to work instead. Since I want to do economics too, I want to go for him…I guess my motives aren't simple…"

Before I could avoid his hand, Usagi sensei ruffled my hair. I tried to hide the flinch and he gave me a puzzled look.

"All right, I understand your reason, I will make sure you get in! With super Usami sensei, how can you lose! Okay?"

"Ah, yeah! Thank you sensei!"

Weeks passed, with Usagi sensei's tough and efficient tutoring, my grades soared rapidly.

"A C score, amazing improvement!"

"If I put in the effort, I can do this easily!" I boasted a little, encouraged with my latest results.

"Don't get too excited, you still have to study more! Anyway, Takahiro must be really happy. I want you to pass so that I can see his happy smile. I noticed the for the past half a year he has been troubled about something, but he didn't confide in me."

Must be me making my brother worried.

"Nii-san didn't tell you what happened to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know I am not attending high school anymore, since the end of my second year, right?"

"Yes, your brother mentioned you were doing self study and attending cram school due to some circumstances but he didn't elaborate, so I didn't ask."

"Well, yes, something happened in school and it had a negative impact on me, so I guess nii-san was worried about me…but I am much better now, so he doesn't need to be troubled anymore!"

Changing the topic, I asked, "Anyway, how do you really feel about nii-san? I know you are concerned about him and, well, maybe I am being too sensitive, but do you like nii-san?"

"He's my good friend, of course I like Takahiro."

"You know I don't mean that kind of like. I read the BL novels you wrote under a different penname you know. Is it really a coincidence you used my brother's name and yours in the latest novel?"

"…"

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't pry into your personal affairs."

"No, no it's ok. I really like Takahiro, but relax it's all one-sided. That stuff in the novel was all made up by me."

"But, do you know that nii-san has a girlfriend?"

"I know. To be able to stay beside the beloved one is a special privilege of a friend."

I guessed I wanted to confirm my suspicions of his unrequited love towards my brother, but why did his confession hurt me?

"If you really like him, don't you want to be become his lover?"

"Since I care so much for him, I don't want to be hated by him."

I realized that Usagi san would never do anything my brother didn't want. Fretting, treasuring, he treats my brother like a precious treasure. But nii-san just treats him like a good friend! Even so, Usagi san's still loyal, just…stubborn. My brother's an idiot! If someone cherish me as much as Usagi san does nii-san…if only…

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Wow, my latest results from the practice exams are great! All of my grades now are 'B', I have improved so much so fast, I must be a genius! I think I might have a shot at getting into M University!

I rushed happily back home eager to share the good news with my brother. Wait, maybe I should let Usagi sensei know first? It is with his tutoring that I made such rapid improvements. Maybe he will praise me too!

As if my thoughts were a siren to Usagi san, he appeared before my very eyes.

"Misaki, what are you doing?"

I stopped my excited dance and chuckled in embarrassment. "Oh hi Usagi sensei, you appear to be in a great mood!"

"Yes, it's Takahiro's birthday today, I bought a cake, let's go!"

Oh, I forgot about nii-san's birthday…what a bad brother I am!

"You have the 'oh shit I totally forgot his birthday' look on your face."

"Waaa, how could I have forgotten? Anyway, sensei, my grades came in today…"

I passed the papers to Usagi sensei and wanted for his response. This time, I saw his hand coming and prepared for his touch. Not disappointing my expectation, he ruffled my hair and pat my head encouragingly.

"Very good!"

My face turned hot, I could feel myself blushing and my heart beating faster. Why is my heart thumping like this? Usagi sensei is praising me because nii-san will be happy. I guess, regardless of his motives, both of us wanted nii-san to be happy.

When we reached my house, I was glad to see that there were enough ingredients in the fridge for me to make a feast for my brother's birthday celebration. Great, that can be my present to nii-san! As I set the last dish on the dinning table, I heard the door opening.

"Takahiro, Happy Birthday!"

"This is a huge feast, thank you so much!"

"Your present is a Philip Patek watch, haven't you always wanted one?"

"What, but that watch is really expensive!"

"Nah, one luxury a year, no one is going to punish it, here take it!"

Nii-san happily accepted the gift. I have never seen a gift giver happier than the receiver.

"Nii-san, you forgot to lock the door!"

"Sorry! Oh sorry! I have something important to tell you. Usagi chan, you should hear this too!"

Footsteps approached the three of us in the living room. And the person who appeared was none other than my brother's girlfriend, Manami.

"Oh, Manami san, you're here!" I wasn't surprised to see her here, since it's my brother's birthday. But what important news did nii-san wanted to tell us?

"This is Manami Kajiwara. We have decided to get married!"

There was a shocked silence. I was sure that this is the first time Usagi san is seeing Manami, and nii-san just suddenly blurt out his decision to get married? To the man who have loved him for god knows how long? How insensitive can you be, nii-san!

"Is that so? You have finally decided, Takahiro! And such a lovely lady too!"

"Thank you, I'm glad you approved! Actually, I had wanted to share the good news with Usagi chan first!"

I couldn't take it anymore. As much as I love my brother, he can be such an idiot! How can he be so oblivious to Usagi sensei's feelings, how can he be so cruel! I thumped my fist on the wall in frustration.

"Misaki?"

"…We're out of champagne, I will go buy more!"

"But you are a minor, they won't sell to you. And it's late, it's dangerous to be wandering out now…"

"Usagi sensei you come with me!" Without waiting for their reply, I grabbed sensei's hand and ran out of the house. After a distance away, we stopped, and I panted from running so fast.

"I'm so sorry…" Tears and sweat mixed as they dripped down my face.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Because, because that was terrible…Usagi sensei, you like my brother so much, care for him so much…and he said he wanted to tell you he's getting married to her first! He's completely out of it! This is the first time I have ever wanted to hit him…"

My tears just wouldn't stop flowing, as I continue to sob uncontrollably.

"Look at you! Don't get yourself down by crying!"

"It's your fault I'm crying! If I start crying I can't stop!"

"I see…"

Abruptly, I was grabbed into a hug by Usagi sensei. As if my body recognized his touch, my self-defense moves were thrown to the back of my mind as I stood still, frozen. He raised my face up gently towards him, and his lips swopped down upon mine. What is he doing! It's my first kiss! Even the five bullies have not kissed me on my mouth before, and they certainly didn't stick their tongue down my throat like what Usagi san's doing! Ahhhhh, blood is rushing up to my face, I'm sure it's all red now!

"See…it stopped."

What stopped? My heart? Oh…he meant my tears. Is that why he kissed me?

"Sorry…just a little bit…" Usagi sensei, sagged in my arms, burying his head on my shoulder.

"Usagi sensei…if you want to cry, it's okay…I'm here for you."

"Silly boy, don't be patronizing! I have to say…I have never cried in front of anybody, except you. I can't take anyone but you seeing me like this…"

We stood under the lonely streetlights, icy snow falling gently upon us. It was a cold night, but the tears that fell from our eyes and hearts were warm. Within me, I felt unformed ideas surging.

_If only I could stay with this person forever_

_I want to become someone special to him_

_It's strange how safe I feel in his arms, and how much I didn't want those arms around me to ever let go…_

_Usagi san, am I falling in love with you? _

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A short chapter this is, but I just wanted to post it up before I start on the next one. Upcoming, Misaki moves into Usagi's pent house, attends M University and meet new people. Will everything go smoothly?


	4. Chapter 4

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A/N: Words in _italic _are describing a flashback.

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Chapter 4

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"Need help with unpacking?" The speaker, dressed in a suit and tie, stood relaxed at the doorway to my new bedroom in his penthouse. The sun shining through the windows illuminates his entire being, making him seems even more God-like than ever.

Yes, I, Misaki Takahashi, age 18, first year in M University, is currently living in this high class 5-bedroom apartment in the best area of Tokyo with my landlord. He is a super popular novelist and winner of the Shisen award; he also writes my favorite BL novels. He's the God named Usami Akihiko. Life is really unpredictable. After Nii-san got married, he was transferred to Osaka, so I got to stay here since I had nowhere else to go. Usagi san was my brother's classmate in high school…and he then became my tutor. He has weird interests, such as having a bedroom more suited for a kid, stuffed with toys and plushies of all kind, wears a suit and tie at home all the time even though he works at home and hardly goes out, and can be strangely gentle towards me sometimes…

"It's fine, I can do this myself! Oh everything is a mess now, don't come into my room like this!"

As usual, he ignores my protestations and strolled leisurely in. Well, if he's going to ignore me, I'll do the same to him! I started unpacking my books from the nearest opened box and put them onto the shelf.

"What's this…? This novel, 'The Faraway Sun' is all worn out…"

"Oh, that's my favorite BL novel! I was so touched by the author that I even wrote a fan letter to encourage…" WHAT AM I SAYING! How could I have forgotten for just a second that the author is right here and I am making such an embarrassing confession about being a fan of his BL novels! ARRRRRRRRRGH!

"Ho? Encourage? Do go on…" Without turning around to look at him, I could feel the author smirking that arrogant mouth of his and raising his right eyebrow in an irritating manner.

"NOTHING! You heard nothing! Give me back that book!"

I felt the warmth of his body as he towered over me. Spinning round to face him, my previous suspicions were confirmed – yes he is totally smirking at me! That jerk!

"No. Tell me…are you a fan of my BL novels? Did reading what I wrote make you hot…in certain areas…?" As he drawled out in a husky, alluring voice, he dragged his fingers lightly over my cheeks, down to my neck, stroking at my pulse repeatedly.

Thump. Thump thump. Thump thump thump.

I'm sure he could feel my heart rate raising. That's not the only thing that's going up, as he lowered his head, resting his forehead against mine. Our breath mingled and my mind was blanking out, as my face flushed a vivid red. His other hand wandered down my body and grazed the bulge in my pants.

"Are you getting turned on?

"_Hey look, he's getting turned on! Wow, what a small penis he has, are you sure you are a boy, Takahashi?" _

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I shoved hard at the body encroaching upon my personal space, as tears dripped from my eyes.

"_Oh look! The little fag is crying! Shouldn't you be happy you are getting some? Don't worry, all of us will get our turns with you, so you will definitely be satisfied!"_

"No, I'm not, no, please don't, no...no…" The strength went out of my legs and I crumpled into a pathetic heap onto the floor. Burying my face into my knees, I rocked to and fro, mumbling mindlessly. I don't want to remember again, no…

"…Mi….Misa…Misaki….MISAKI!"

Hands were on my shoulders, shaking me. I don't want anyone to touch me! Get off! With a snap, I utilized a well-practiced Aikido move and the person flew off me, landing with a thump on the other side of the room. I ran blindly out of the room, searching for a safe place to hide, where nobody can get hold of me. Making a turn, I saw the unoccupied bathroom and locked myself in securely.

"Must get clean…it's dirty…dirty…must wash…wash…" I dived into the gleaming white tub, turned on the shower and began my ritual of scrubbing my entire body, head to toes. My head was pounding, and it aches…my skin was tingling and it hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as my heart. The thumping in my head was getting louder…wait…it's coming from the door?

"MISAKI! Please open up! What's wrong?" That frantic yet concerned voice sounded so familiar…who is it? …where am I?

My mind started to clear up, and I took deep, meditative breaths to calm myself. Oh, yes, I'm at Usagi san's house…I am safe…yes…OH NO! Usagi san must be thinking I'm such a weird person! Did I really shoved and kicked him back then? He must be so mad at me!

"I'M ALL RIGHT! GIVE ME A MINUTE TO DRESS AND I WIL BE OUT!" I shouted over the ruckus that Usagi san was making at the door. Turning off the shower, I hopped out of the tub, dried myself and got dressed in light speed. I didn't want to make Usagi san any angrier by waiting too long for me.

The sight that greeted me as I opened the bathroom's door surprised me. The usually composed Usagi san was ruffled, hair a mess, clothes crumpled and he has a look on his face I have never seen before…is…is he worried about me?

A tentative hand reached out towards me, but fell away before it touched me.

"Misaki, are you all right? What happened?"

"I'm so sorry Usagi san! Please excuse my actions! Are you hurt? I didn't mean to kick you so hard!"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me…I'm worried about you! What was that back there?"

"I just over-reacted, you know how dramatic I am sometimes right? Ha ha ha…"

"Do you know who you are talking to? Who are you trying to fool? Don't lie to me, Misaki!" Usagi san's glare pierced right through me, I couldn't brush off his questions with a weak excuse. Should I tell him the truth? Tell him…tell him that I…

NO! I don't want to talk about it again! But he's so stubborn, he wouldn't just let this matter rest like this! And…what if he hears me screaming out from my nightmares? Although I haven't had a nightmare in weeks, it could come back…I don't want to trouble him…should I just move out? Where can I go? No, I shouldn't keep running away, I need to be stronger, and I don't want to leave Usagi san. All right, all right, I can do this. I trust him, Usagi san makes me feel safe, he is a gentle person, and I will be okay.

"You know I stopped going to my high school at the end of my second year right?"

"Yes, both Takahiro and you mentioned it was due to some circumstances before."

"I…well…as you can probably guess from my hobby of reading BL novels, I'm gay. Some of my schoolmates found out about this and started to bully me. It wasn't that bad at first, just disparaging words, but towards the end of my second high school year, I was cornered by five of them after school one day."

Taking a deep breath, and digging into my reserve of courage, I continued haltingly.

"…they beat me up…but it wasn't enough…they threatened me, telling me to leave school and not come back, since fags like me are polluting the environment…I refused and they…they decided to teach me a harsher lesson. Four of them pinned me down on my arms and legs…the leader of the group…he ripped open my shirt, gagged my mouth when I tried to scream for help. I struggled, I did! But what could one person do against five others?"

Usagi san gathered me into his arms and embraced me gently; his hug doesn't feel restraining, rather, it feels safe and protective. The rest of my explanation rushed out.

"It was disgusting! They licked me and touched me everywhere! I didn't want it…I didn't! But what was worse, I felt aroused by their groping! How could I be so dirty, so shameful to feel turned on by unwanted advances from those bullies! Of course they noticed my state as they took off the rest of my clothes off, and they made fun of me further…I have never felt so helpless or humiliated!" I started sobbing so hard as I buried my head into Usagi san's chest that I had difficulty talking. I could feel his arms tightened around me as he mumbled into my hair.

"Those bastards…how dare they…not your fault, Misaki, you are not dirty, you are the most pure person I have ever known…I love you, I love you Misaki…Nobody will ever hurt you again, I will protect you…"

"…thank you Usagi san, I love you too…" I whispered back shyly.

"What are their names? I will make them disappear off the face of the earth forever." Somehow, coming from Usagi san, it doesn't sound remotely like a joke, and it is entirely all too real that he could make it happen.

"No! They were already caught and expelled from school. Anyway, I was saved by my teacher before they went any further…"

"Oh! So they didn't…?"

"…no they didn't….there wasn't…any…penetration…" I forced out the last word in embarrassment.

Usagi san heaved out a sigh of relief? He kissed me softly on my forehead and carried me to my bed. "You must be exhausted, get some sleep, I will stay here with you."

I gripped his hand tightly. I'm such a mess, why does someone great like Usagi san love someone like me? Does he really love me? Or is it only pity? He was in love with my brother only a while ago, wasn't he? How could he be in love with me now? I…I don't want to be a replacement for Nii-san…but I also don't want to lose the warmth of this person…what should I do?

"You look troubled…care to tell me what you are thinking?"

Should I clarify with Usagi san? What if I'm really a replacement and he's not really in love with me? Dare I face the truth now?

…

Yes, I don't want to live a life of regrets nor lies, no matter what happens, I will go forth with courage and truth. No relationship can be built upon falsehoods. No matter what happens, I will always love Usagi san…

"Am I…am I a replacement for nii-san?"

"Replacement for Takahiro? What are you talking about?"

"Because…because weren't you in love with my brother? How could you give up so quickly?

"Before…when I lost Takahiro, weren't you crying like crazy? I thought I have hidden my feelings, but it was seen through by a kid I'd only known half a year. When I saw you crying over other people's feelings, I thought… 'Ah – that's the one!' So…you aren't a replacement, you are the only person I am in love with now."

Upon hearing this touching confession, my heart was about to burst with happiness. The person whom I had been admiring since the first time I've laid my eyes upon, my favorite BL novel author, my tutor, my landlord, is in love with me! How fortunate am I? I don't want to live in the shadows of my fears anymore…I love this person, I want to be with him, I want…I want to give all of me to him…

"Usagi san…will you…will you…"

"What…what is it you want Misaki? I will do anything for you…"

"Please…please make me forget about the past…I want to start anew with you…please…make love to me…"

"Yes, I will, I will fill your entire mind with nothing but me, your whole heart with my love and your body…I will never let anyone else touch you!"

It was strange, as if I was in a dream, everything in slow motion, the panting was loud in the quiet room, I was melting…it was so hot, so passionate…nothing felt unnatural, and I wasn't afraid. In Usagi san's embrace, I feel so safe, so loved, as if the world only consists of only the two of us. Our bodies were so close; nothing else could have come between us. His kisses, his touch, it were all so passionate, yet gentle. When the two of us finally joined, my mind had never felt clearer before. It was a little painful at first, but everything soon gave way into intense pleasure that I could never achieve alone, or with anyone else. This person…this special person who love me…whom I love…I have no regrets now that we are together.

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The morning sun was bright and burning through my eyelids, and birds chirping just outside my bedroom's windows woke me. The sunlight was glaring, my body (especially the lower part) was burning with a sweet ache, yet my heart felt lighter than a feather. I was alone, but the unique scent of Usagi san remained in the rumpled sheets and convinced me that last night wasn't just a dream. I blushed to the tips of my toes as images from our lovemaking flashed across my mind. Wow…talk about mind-blowing…thought my mind wasn't the only thing that was blown last night…heh heh heh…

Eww…I'm all sticky, I should take a bath before doing anything else. For the first time since I dropped out from high school, my bath was relaxing and I had no obsessive need to clean myself excessively. Making my way down to the living room, I wondered where Usagi san is.

Clank Clank Clank

The sounds were coming from the kitchen?

"Good morning!" Usagi san was cooking up something at the stove, and greeted me cheerfully.

"…morning…" It's so embarrassing! Why is it so embarrassing for me to look at him! The black smoke emanating from the pan Usagi san was using drew my attention.

"What are you making?"

"Omelets."

That black and sticky mess in the pan with more ominous smoke coming out of it definitely looks nothing like omelets…in fact…it doesn't look like anything edible!

"What the heck is that thing?"

"Hmm…a bit of fresh cream should make the flavor more reach and fragrant?"

"What? You put in what? How did it turn out like that? …Wait! That's cream for coffee! Stop. Now! Don't attempt to do things you can't do!"

What the heck is this? A guy who normally only makes coffee trying to make actual food? He was…trying to make this for me? Oh…

Finally the 'Omelets' stopped smoking and was placed on a large round plate. We sat at the dinning table in silence.

"… … …"

"Sensei…what is this?"

"Usami-sensei's special fluffy delicious egg omelet super luxurious feast! Itadakimasu!"

Something that sounds like fizzling were coming out of the…omelet…should I risk my life and eat it? I looked up to see Usagi san eating happily, there was a suspicious crunching as he chewed, then swallowed. Well…since he put in so much effort…and I guess he was trying to make me a breakfast…I...*blush* should just eat it. Don't the old people have a saying 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' or something like that?

Chomp chomp chomp

Swallow

… … …

… … …

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS THING! Nii-san, living here…can indeed be a dangerous thing!

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I couldn't really bring myself to write a lemon now…so I leave it to your imagination on the sex scene between Usagi and Misaki in this chapter…Anyway, aren't we happy that Misaki finally lost his V-card with a hot guy like Usagi chan? Heh heh heh if you are happy and you like it too…please review!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: A lemon in this chapter…ah…sort of…*blushes*

Oh, thanks for the reviews, I have tried to make paragraphs every few sentences so that it's easier to read, hope you like the new format and this chapter, cheers!

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Chapter 5

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"I love you, Misaki"

"Nn…Ah…Akihiko sa…."

"These moist irises of yours, I like how they turn a pale green when you get aroused."

"I like how your skin quivers like ripples every time I touch you." Warm hands stroked my back gently.

"I also love the feel of your ear lobes." A lick and nip on my right ear.

Enough, Akihiko san, I don't want his! Saying it over and over…I'm embarrassed!

"Of course, I adore these beautiful pink parts too…" I arched up as he pinches my nipples teasingly.

"Hyaaa…Ah…aah…please stop saying that…Ah!"

"I also like this wet, dripping part of you." He fondles my erection.

"No…Ah…Ah…Nnn…aah…"

"And…also…despite it being tight…this part that sucks me in…I'm really fond of it, you know?" The sound of squishing and sliding echoed in the empty corridor as his fingers touches my inner most part.

"Akihiko san…Ah…Nn Nn….not…there…Good…ah…" A hot wet tongue replaces his fingers, and he slurps around and into my opening as it it's a popsicle stick on a summer day.

"Did you just tighten up? No matter where I touch, you are so sensitive…what a lewd body…"

"Fuu…aah…that's because, the one who is doing it…Nnh…is…Akihiko san…"

"I also like the way you answer…"

"It's…it's enough…no more…I'm already…"

"Why? Despite me making such a confession, what are you not satisfied with?"

"No…it's…it's filled to the brim already!"

"…Not yet…I've only started to fill you…"

"Hya…aah…it's good….ah…aah…"

"What amazing tightness…you are so hot, I'm about to melt inside you…this is what I especially like about you…" The rhythm of his thrusts increased, as my ecstasy grew…

"Ah…Akihiko sa…ah…I'm coming…AH!"

"I love every part of you…Misaki…"

….

WAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HECK is this! How dare that ero-novelist use my name in his latest BL novel, 'Pure Love Romanticist'…Pure love my ass! He's violating my rights, damaging my reputation! But…but…it is quite interesting *blushes* Aaaaaaaargh! I'm so frustrated! Is this what they call conflict of interests? The fan of a BL novelist being used as a character in a book? Nii-san, really…. Usagi san makes me feel so confused sometimes!

Hi everyone, I am Misaki, freshman in M University. I have been living with the super-popular novelist, Akihiko Usami in this super luxurious pent house for the past 2 weeks. I do housework and cooking in this unbelievable huge apartment for rent. Today, I was tidying up the living room when I saw Usagi san's latest BL manuscript on the table. Of course being a fan of his BL works I was curious and sneaked a peek at the draft. And…and to my surprise (no, not really) my name is being used in the uke role in the story! Why can't he use another name? No, no…I must endure, for nii-san's sake; I must not confront him…ah! Maybe I can convince him to use another name instead? Yes, surely a responsible adult like Usagi san will listen to reason?

"No way, I won't change the name, I was really inspired this time." A firm and unyielding refusal.

What the heck was I thinking? A responsible adult? Usagi san? The same person who has a room devoted to his beloved 'Suzuki' bears, who wakes up all grumpy, nearly caused me food poisoning with his 'special fluffy delicious egg omelet super luxurious feast'? I must have been hallucinating when I thought Usagi san would be listening to me…hmm…maybe…maybe he can be…_persuaded?_

"Ne, Usagi san…if you change the name in your latest BL novel, I can…I can do a _special favor_ for you…" My voice trailed off uncertainly towards the end of my bold statement. WAAAAAAH! What was I thinking? This is so embarrassing!

"Hmmm….really?" He looks waaaaay too interested in my suggestion.

"NO! No no no, forget about what I said, just do what you want, you stupid pervert novelist!" I ran out of the room in haste.

Footsteps echoed closely behind me, as arms caught and stopped me from moving. "Don't run away from me, Misaki." A husky whisper tickled my ear, followed by a hot, wet lick.

"U…Usagi san…"

"You can't just offer something like that and take it back you know…a man should always keep his promise."

"I…I…I'm not a man yet! I'm still 18 years old, so…so I can still be considered a boy…right…" I can't believe what I'm saying…that sounding unconvincing, even to me…I guess I'm just grasping at straws now.

"Then, I will _make_ you a man now…sensei has so much to teach you, Misaki…"

WAAAAAAAAAH! My mind…my mind just went into a white haze…

…..

"…Misaki…MISAKI!" My cheeks were lightly pinched as Usagi san tried to get my attention, his brows crinkled in worry.

"Usagi san? What…?"

"You scared me, Misaki, you weren't responding just now."

"Oh…sorry…"

"I was just teasing you, I will never do anything to you without your permission…don't be afraid, Misaki."

Huh? Afraid? …OH! Usagi san is being sensitive to what happened to me back in high school…he's so sweet…

"No! No I wasn't afraid at all, definitely! I was just…just…embarrassed!" I couldn't tell him that when he said 'sensei has so much to teach you', my mind was flooded with many inappropriate images that caused a blood rush to my head and I nearly fainted.

"I'm so glad. So, may I continue?" A hand trailed down from my chest to my hips, lingering at the zip of my pants.

"No way! I have to attend classes at the University soon; I don't have time for this! Excuse me!"

"Don't worry, it takes only 7 minutes to drive to your school in my sports car…we have enough time."

"Ah! Nn…stop…Usa..Usagi san…"

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"Are you still sulking?"

"Hmmph!" I turned my head away, looking out the windows of the speedy red sports car.

"You will be on time for your class."

That's not the problem! Due to Usagi san's _vigorous _actions towards me, I'm going to walk funny! People are going to wonder and stare! Worst of all, when I brought up my concerns, the pervert author just said, "You look cute like that, wading like a little chick." Who's a chick! I'm a man! Already, since my second day at the University, for some reason, everyone at school has been avoiding me! I won't be able to make any friends at this until graduation…am I destined to remain friendless forever…waaaaaaah!

"Call me when you are done so I can pick you up."

"...Thanks so much!" I slammed the car door closed and stomped away.

"Misaki."

"What?"

"Be careful." A gentle smiling face accompanied that parting sentence.

Ba-thump. His smile makes my heart beats faster…ah, I totally lost to him!

"Ok…I'm going now."

"Ah, my Misaki really looks like a cute chick, even when he's angry." Akihiko chuckled to himself, watching fondly as his lover make his way further into the University.

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Whew, I made it to class on time, with 5 minutes to spare! But, really, did I do something to make everyone avoid me? I don't think I did…am I going to spend the next four years in solitude? This makes me worry….ah!

"Ow…" Distracted, I fell flat on my face. Laughter rang out throughout the lecture hall. This sucks…maybe I will start hating school.

"You okay?" A hand stretched out to help me up, and started gathering my fallen books.

"Ah, I'm fine, thank you."

"You have a seat yet?"

"No…not yet."

"Then let's go! Want to sit by me?"

"Ah, sure!" No way! This is the first time that anyone has talk to me!

"Are you a first year? What major?"

"Yes, in economics."

"Oh? Then you are my kouhai."

This is a great chance to make friends! "Um, I'm Misaki Takahashi!"

"Eh? Your name isn't 'Usami'?"

"Huh?"

"That man who takes you to and from school, isn't he the writer, Akihiko Usami? I thought you were either his brother or relative. So you are not related?"

"…excuse me, but I must ask you…why is it seem like everyone is avoiding me?"

"…This is a state-funded college, so most of the students here are 'plebeians' right? At the entrance ceremony, you showed up in fancy foreign sports car, and are driven several times a week to class…not to mention the person who drives you is Akihiko Usami. The girls talked and say_ 'The boy who uses the ultra sexy magnetic Akihiko Usami sensei as a transportation device, who is he? I want to ask! But I'm scared!'_...and stuff like that."

"Well, I have reasons…I'm temporarily living in his house, I'm a 'plebeian' too."

"Ah, I see! You're always kind of down by yourself, so I tried talking to you. I'm Sumi Keiichi, nice to meet you!"

Yay! I finally made my first friend in the University, and he seems like a really nice guy too!

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A little short, this chapter, but I wanted to post this up while I work on the next. So, Sumi-senpai makes his appearance…will he be bringing problems to Usagi and Misaki's new relationship? Well, I have a few ideas…but it's not going to be like in the manga or anime…what are they? Stay tuned to find out! Oh, and don't forget to review, thanks!


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

A/N: So far I have been writing in Misaki's POV, so I thought I'll try something different this time and explore the inner thoughts of Sumi instead for the first part of the chapter.

Ah, also, this fic is rated 'M' for a reason, so if you are uncomfortable with descriptive boy on boy action, please skip this chapter, since it gets really dirty from here on.

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SUMI's POV

My name is Sumi Keiichi, a student at M University majoring in Economics. My father is an established writer, and growing up surrounded by books, I was led to spend most of my childhood years reading various literature works, be it fiction or non fiction. Actually, I don't really like writers. I feel that the painted lies they've conjured up in their heads called 'stories' are forced upon readers, and I still feel that they are worthless. But when I read Akihiko Usami's debut work, I cried. It was irritating, because of that one book, and others that Usami sensei wrote, all my principles have been destroyed. Unknowingly, I have fallen for the author who have messed up my belief and emotions.

My turning point in life came when I met Misaki Takahashi, a fellow student at the same University I'm attending. At first glance, there was nothing special about the slim, short and ordinary looking brunette. He piped my interest when he arrived at the opening ceremony in a flashy foreign sports car, driven by none other than the object of my admiration. What was the relationship between the two? Were they relatives? I had to know. The other students avoided Misaki, and it was easy to get close to him, especially when he created the opportunity himself by tripping and falling in one of the classes we shared.

I have never met any other my age that has such open expressions, looking straight into my eyes with complete honesty. As I got to know Misaki better, I could see that in the depths of that trusting nature, was someone who has experienced hardships in life. Although we spoke of various topics, somehow it will come back to the author he is staying with. His description of Usami sensei's habits, behavior and actions were like an oasis to quench my thirst of curiosity. I knew Misaki was also in love with the novelist, and this made me irritated. From how Usami sensei drove Misaki to and back from the University, it was obvious that the writer called about Misaki too. I just wasn't sure if it was love, or affection.

My doubts about their relationship were cleared, when I chanced upon them having sex in the familiar sports car in a deserted carpark. Even though it was night, and in a dark place where people will rarely come to, it was still…bold of them. I was frozen in place, captivated by the thrusting motions of the taller author as his body covered the brunette. A beam of moonlight highlighted the two lovers as the clouds parted, and I caught a glimpse of the ecstatic, lewd expression on Misaki's face in the throes of passion. Now, I wasn't a stranger to sex, or gay sex, but somehow, the look on Misaki's face made me felt something I've never felt before. That trusting, naïve brunette, who seems more like a child then a college student at times, was having public sex with a famous author, with a lustful appearance. The contrast between what I know, and the reality before me caused complicated emotions to surge in me. Why aren't my eyes drawn to the author whom I have always admired? Why am I so interested in Misaki's expressions? As my mind churned in confusion, one thought stood out among the rest clearly. I want to see that lewd look on Misaki's face again, and I want to be the one to make him look like that, as he writhes in pleasure. My hands clenched as I watched the pair climaxed, and with the show over, I left for home, scheming on how to achieve my latest goal.

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Back to MISAKI's POV

"Please…wait…ah…back to the house…Nn…" It was the usual routine, with Usagi san picking me up from University after my classes ended. However, the novelist have been locked in his home office for the past three days rushing to meet a deadline, and it seemed that the days with abstinence towards sex has made him snapped and becoming a hungry beast.

"I won't wait. I want every minute and second with you to the point that I want to hold you forever."

"You are really…" I struggled futilely.

"It has to be now." Arms tightened around me.

"Saying such childish things again! Even though you are the adult…"

"I will say anything to embrace you. I love you, Misaki."

"Idiot, that's cheating…"

"If you make such an adorable face, the more I can't stop now."

The award winning author really deserves his popularity…he has such a way with words, that always makes my heart beat faster, and even managed to make me forget (or ignore) that we are in public. My hands tangled in Usagi san's hair as I kissed him passionately. A string of saliva lingered between our parting lips as I panted.

"Just as I thought, your kiss relays better than your words. I understand, I have accepted your emotions."

"Oi, wait, don't you decode it anyway you like!"

"I won't believe you even if you say you have no intention of doing it when your tongue is so seducing…"

"Like I said it, it is because…you are…"

"What did I do? You want to say my kiss was too good?"

"No one said that!"

"I shall confirm that…"

"Usagi san…" I gasped out in pleasure as he gave a particularly hard suck on my tongue.

"You feel it, don't you? Your body is sweating…this part is also reacting." Hands lightly touched my raising member."

"It's because…I couldn't resist it…"

"That means you will acknowledge that my kiss is the best."

"…I won't deny that…"

"Then, this part as well…"

When did he take off my pants? Ah!…the ero-novelist has such skillful hands, he's making me crazy with his fondling.

"I shouldn't neglect this other side as well. I want to enter you as soon as possible. You also want me so much that you can't wait anymore, right? I can't be wrong since my fingers can enter so easily now." He wet his fingers with his mouth thoroughly, and proceeded to slide them into my rear. No matter how many times he has done this, I still feel embarrassed every time.

"Wait…even if you said that…you can't enter so quickly…"

"Come on, widen your legs more. If I do it this way, I can see your expression more clearly when you feel it." Waaaaah! It is not necessarily to open my legs so wide! But…why do I feel more excited than usual? Is it due to the thrill of being discovered while we make love in his car, parked at a deserted carpark? This devouring lust…I never knew such intense desire lay dormant inside me.

"…Enter me…now…" I begged shamelessly, face flushed as my hole twitched impatiently. He didn't disappoint, as he entered in one swift thrust.

"Ah!"

"Can you feel it? It has gone in completely. Amazing, your insides are so hot that I'm melting..."

"Ah…Usagi sa…"

"I'm going to move more…strongly. I know. Even if you don't squeeze me so tightly, I'll make you feel good. You have such a wonderfully sensitive body."

"…Usagi san…that spot…ah!"

"Your expression when you feeling it is…most delicious. This part also looks like it's going to erupt."

"If you do it…so strongly…I will…"

"It's okay to cum, I'm going to too…let's cum together…"

"Usagi san…"

"Misaki…"

"Nn…ah…Aaaah!" Two voices shouted out their release simultaneously.

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THE NEXT MORNING…

"Good morning! I've made breakfast! There's miso soup, fried eggs and…ah, I made it Japanese style, is that all right with you?" I greeted the grumpy novelist cheerfully, being in a particularly good mood this morning.

"…"

"Usagi san? What's the matter?" I gave him a puzzled look, as he seemed to be contemplating something deep.

"What's the matter you say? Putting on such an energetic face…and looking so cute in an apron, Misaki, are you wearing something like that to seduce me?"

…WHAT?

"I mean, you still have the energy to be up so early cooking breakfast? If I'd have known, I wouldn't held back so much last night. Well, this works out great. Yesterday wasn't enough to satisfy me either."

"Waaaah! I'm so sorry! Please have mercy, Usagi sama!"

Both of us went back to bed once again, and I nearly passed out this time from the number of times he tried to 'satisfy' me. Nii chan…I never thought of myself as unfit, but I seriously think I need more stamina in order to survive being Usagi san's lover! The only lucky thing is that it's a weekend and I have no classes. Hmm, my cellphone is blinking - there's a message from Sumi senpai.

_From: Sumi Keiichi_

_Subject: Drinks tonight_

_Misaki, would you like to join me for drinks tonight? It's my birthday, actually. _

Oh! I didn't know that it's Sumi senpai's birthday today! Of course I will celebrate his birthday with him! If I had known earlier I would have prepared a present, but it's too late now. Actually, tonight is a good time to meet up with senpai, since Usagi san has to attend this commemorative party thing sponsored by Marukawa bookstores, one of the largest chains of bookstores in Tokyo. He was invited to give a short speech, and though he refused initially, his tenacious editor, Aikawa san, dragged him off with the help of Isaka san, the editor's boss and Usagi san's childhood friend. It helped that the perverted author was in a particularly good mood after the 24-hour sex-marathon we had.

I was also invited to attend the party but I declined, since my body was totally worn out and I wasn't in the mood to mingle with large crowds of strangers. However, since Sumi senpai's birthday is a special occasion, I certainly have to gather strength in my legs to attend the celebration of my good (and only) University friend. Leaving a note behind to let Usagi san know where I am going in case he is back home before me and gets all panicky, I headed towards Sumi senpai's house where the birthday celebration was held. I'm so excited! This is the first time in a long while that I have been invited to a celebration by a friend! I wonder who else is attending the birthday party?

Sumi senpai's house was in a popular residential district, well known for its traditional Japanese architecture and generous open space between each house in the neighborhood, giving a sense of privacy that is rare in densely inhabited city like Tokyo. I was greeted by a smiling Sumi senpai, who lead me through a maze of corridors and finally into a spacious tatami carpeted room. To my surprise, though there were drinks and food on the table, we were the only persons there.

"Sumi senpai? Where are the rest of your friends?"

"They couldn't make it, I'm glad you could though, otherwise I would be spending my birthday all by my lonesome self."

"Oh! I almost forgot, Happy Birthday senpai! Sorry I didn't prepare a present for you."

"No worries, your presence here is the best present I could ever receive." Again, Sumi senpai smiled at me, though there was a glint of something I couldn't describe in his eyes. Was he angry that his other friends couldn't attend his birthday party? An embarrassing growling coming from my stomach interrupted my internal musing.

"You must be hungry, let's eat! And feel free to help yourself to the drinks, they are foreign imported beer that are sold only in exclusive stores."

"Wow! That's cool! Hmm hmm, the food tastes great too!" We finished up eating and started drinking leisurely. It was nice to spend time with a friend relaxing with beer and chatting about nothing in particular. Sometime in the middle of our conversation, I turned off my cellphone upon senpai's suggestion. I complied easily, since I was feeling a little guilty about not giving a birthday present to Sumi senpai, especially now that he had all this delicious food and drinks prepared for me.

"Senpai, what would you like for a present? I feel bad not giving you anything, can I buy a make up birthday gift for you later?"

The birthday boy gave me a strangely satisfied, yet passionate look. I fidgeted in discomfort. As the silence grew between us, I felt a strange _something_ surging through my body. Is it the beer? This is not the first time I have tasted alcoholic drinks, so why am I feeling like…like I'm drunk? No, no, this is not the feeling of being drunk, it's something else…something strange. What am I feeling? It's getting so hot, as my thoughts blurred.

"Sumi senpai? …what…what is happening to me? I feel…strange…"

"Good…it's time."

"Huh…time? What…?"

"Time to receive my birthday present. Didn't you say you wanted to give me something?"

"Ah…yes…yes I did…but what do you mean? I…I don't understand…" My body temperature rose further, as my urge to do _something_ grew. My skin is itching, and the comfortable clothes I was wearing suddenly felt constricting. It's irritating me. Argh! I'll just take them off!

(A/N: I was going to stop this chapter here, but I felt that it would be too mean so…I shall continue, my dear readers. Warning: Non con here, as Misaki is obviously drugged)

"Sorry, Sumi senpai, I just feel so hot!" I apologized, struggling to remove my clothes. I seemed to have developed a 'butter-fingers' syndrome as they slipped off the buttons that I was trying to unbutton from my shirt. I ripped off my shirt impatiently, ignoring the buttons that I had so much trouble with.

"There! It's finally off!" A giggle erupted out of my uncontrollably. Somehow, everything was so funny to me at that moment.

"Good work, Misaki." Sumi senpai was sitting so close to me, I smell the fresh detergent of his freshly laundered clothes. Hmm…lemon scented…nice…

"I can do better, Senpai!" I really like being praised! The cool air hitting my bare chest was nice, but my pants were getting tight for some reason. I know! I will get them off too! Unbuckling my pants, I wriggled and finally managed to get them off. Looking down at the remaining clothing article on my body, I could see that my boxers were tented in front. Oh! Am I having an erection? How strange…

"You look uncomfortable, Misaki. Why don't you just do what feels good to you? I don't mind at all." Sumi senpai is so nice, so encouraging! Hmm…what would make me feel good though? I don't quite understand…and my mind is getting foggy. I lay down on my back and stared at the ceiling in puzzlement.

"What's wrong, Misaki? Maybe…I should help you feel better…" Sumi senpai's face loomed above me blocking out the lighting from the ceiling. His hands felt nice and cool against my burning, bare chest. Ah…that feels good…

"You have such a lewd, sensitive body... your nipples are hardened…I love how pink and perk it gets when I rub against them."

"Ah…ah…senpai…"

"They taste as good as I've imagined them to be…" A warm, wet tongue lapped hungrily, making me feel even hotter.

"Nn! Nn…more…" Does that lustful voice crying out belong to me? It's so…weird…

"I'll give you more, so much more than that lover of yours can give you."

Lover? …who is he talking about? Oh…something niggled at the back of my mind but it kept slipping off in the haze I'm experiencing now. All this licking and touching is making me crazy!

"Ah! There…touch me there…" My cock's wept for attention, yet I couldn't seem to gather enough strength to touch it myself. The last piece of clothing on my body was removed, and I grunted in satisfaction as Sumi senpai finally paid attention to that part.

"Does my tongue feel good?" Wet slurping echoed in the room.

"Good…so good…" Fingers fondled my balls, as the tip of my member was sucked.

"Ah! Ah…ah…cuming…"

"And there it is, that lewd look I've wanted to see on your face ever since I saw that lustful side of you…"

What…what is he talking about? Ah! My body arched as I released white spurts out into that skillful mouth. I fell in a slump back onto the tatami mats…really relaxed, a white haze clouding my mind.

"Don't be so satisfied yet, things are just getting heated up." The sound of clothes rustling could be heard, and I turned my head to see Sumi senpai undressing. Oh…I didn't know senpai had such a well-chiseled set of pecs. Nice…really, nice…I licked my lips, feeling strangely hungry as my body tensed up, temperature rising once again. Senpai smirked and leaned down on me, grinding our members hard.

"I can't wait to break that naïve, trusting nature of yours, when I take you completely and make you mine. You don't even know that you are drugged now, submitting that delectable body to me docilely. I will train your body to respond only to me, you will belong to me and nobody else!"

Suddenly, the door to our room crashed opened, and I turned my blurred eyes towards the person stomping in.

"You bastard…I'm going to kill you!" An enraged roar followed by fists, as the two tumbled around the room in a fight. Ah…my head hurts…why are they fighting?

"…Usagi san? What's happening? I…feel strange…" Suddenly, I felt nauseous and really sick. Through the fog descending not only upon my mind but also my sight, I saw Usagi san giving a final hard kick at the fallen, unmoving figure before approaching me.

"Misaki, oh my beloved…sorry…so sorry…" I was embraced tightly as he buried his face into my hair. I breathed in Usagi san's familiar, comforting scent as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Vaguely, I knew that I was dressed and placed gently into an enclosed space that smelled like Usagi san's sports car. I kept hearing a soft mumbling…someone apologizing over and over again, while reassuring me that I'm safe now. My body still felt hot, and I begged for relief.

"Nn…Usagi san, please…feel so hot…I need…" Wriggling in discomfort, I tugged at my shirt.

"Please endure just a little longer, once we reach home I will make you feel better."

Okay, Usagi san…for you, I will wait…a little…but please, please…hurry…

=J=R=J=R= J=R=J=R==J=R=J=R= J=R=J=R=J=R=J=R= J=R=J=R=J=R=J=R= J=R=

**A/N:** This chapter just kind of wrote itself, as I was distracted with some BL drama cd sounding through my headphones. Maybe I was possessed or something. Anyway, please don't hate me, blame Sumi senpai for the non-con thing…he was standing over my shoulder and urging me on, that devil!

Somehow, Misaki makes me feel like torturing him…he makes such a good little 'm'…I could just visualize his crying face as he gets bullied…so delicious…ok ok, I admit I'm just a little sadistic. Hehehe…


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